I've read a lot in mommy-land lately about how we overbook our kids with activities and I can appreciate that in my little bubble of Atlanta, that is in fact what's going down. I'm not sure whatever happened to the notion of using your imagination and a bunch of household necessities to entertain the tots, but those days are practically non-existent as far as I can see. Now, kids expect to be entertained in some organized fashion every single day of the week, every minute of the day. Mine are not exempt from this "entertain me!" protesting, they just get placed in front of the TV for more than most mommies would admit to being an appropriate amount of screen time. This is not my point, as usual I've veered off track.
My point is...."What about you, lady/dude?"
Parent or not, I've had this discussion again and again with my good friends about overbooking, overcommitting, overextending ourselves. And yet we continue to do it. (It's no wonder we parents think nothing of doing it to our kids.)
I get it, it's hard to say no to friends because, for one thing, you don't want to let them down and for another, you don't want them to say no to you when this endless cycle comes roller-coasting back in your direction. But if we keep saying yes to one another, there's a pretty good chance someone is going to have a mental breakdown. Right now, I fear "someone" is me.
I used to think that being a stay at home mom was a side job. To be clear and honest, I had no children of my own nor did I have (or want) contact with other children when this delusional thought process was occurring. Looking back with 20/20 hindsight, I was astonishingly stupid, I was wrong on the most erroneous levels of wrong. Parenting is more than any 40-hour per week full time job, (obviously it is 24/7...365), the benefits are lacking and the pay is non-existent. Put all of that "one hug makes it all worthwhile" malarkey aside for a moment and admit it: Being a parent, especially a single mom/dad (or wife/husband of someone constantly deployed, working/traveling/golfing) just sucks for the most part. This is a whole topic in itself, so let's just proceed....
So now, while the God-given job (of parenting) is sucking, let's add a real-time paying job, please may it be something you actually love doing and can leave the house and spawn to perform it's assigned duties, you've already extended yourself and your hours in a day. Now, lets throw on top of this extension of family life and profession, a benefit for the local Children's hospital, a friend's book club, classroom reader, a neighborhood mommy group, cocktails after work to bond with the co-workers, and let's toss in some random tennis and work-out groups, those are fun and healthy, right? Now, playgroups, birthday parties and sports for the kiddos and some serious drive time in ATL traffic for delivery of the offspring to all of their must-do's... and please tell me when you planned to eat and sleep? Oh yes, did you get everything to make dinner? If not, no biggie. You have Costco Mac-and-Cheese, the number for Domino's and wine. What more do you really need? Answer: a lot more...because if you are like me, you feel guilty for getting pizza again. If you ordered it on Saturday, you try to rationalize in your head, on Monday evening, that you haven't had pizza since 'last week'. Whilst your mind is saying to you, "Make a real dinner, lazy. Why can't you just get it together to feed your family a healthy home cooked meal?"
What IS this irritating yet seemingly involuntary compulsion to feel like we need to do it all? All of us say to one another "Oh my, Suzy, how ever DO you do it all? I could never balance all that you do!", without adding aloud, or even consciously, "But Jesus, I'm going to give it the old college try! I will attempt to balance a giant hat-bowl of bananas on my head like the Chiquita chic if it seems like that's what everyone else is effortlessly doing." And then, someone will see silly, clueless me and actually think- 'SHIT! I have to get a hat of bananas!' and the cycle will go on and on until we are all too old and too ritualized and too plasticized from keeping up with our friends (that's right, we are friends and love each other and do this to please each other and/or our offspring) to realize all of the peace and quiet simplicity that we have missed out on.
That said, I personally have to cut down on my commitments. So, Hear ye, hear ye, this is it for now. I am temporarily retiring from Interior Design to focus on writing. It's possible that after the new year I will find my way back to design. But, for now, I am promising my editors, publishers, family and friends that I will do this, commit to this and by putting it in writing, maybe I will stick to it.
I've heard today that My Special Force has started to pre-release (Amazon/Kindle, I believe) and Oct 15th is the big day for hard copies and Atlanta Barnes and Noble signing. Thus, it is beyond time to give it my all. Truthfully, I felt I was giving it my 'all' this whole time, but the fact is, I've been pulled into too many directions to know what "all" I am capable of doing if I can actually maintain a single focus.
Time to throw those bananas I balance to the monkeys at the zoo. This gal is going to put her time, heart, soul and energy back into writing. I finally realize that it's the reason My Special Force was discovered and published. I gave it my everything, held nothing back, never caring about a financial reward or a pat on the back. For a second time, I did something that my heart just told me to do, without reservation. (The first time was leaving my family and career to marry Ryan Means and become a SF wife, if you have not read the book). While writing the book, I would sit at a coffee shop, park bench, botanical garden or museum for sometimes eight or ten hours a day and just write, delete, write, save, delete, write. And somehow, by the grace of some higher power, karma, love....something was created that materialized into not only what it was intended to be, but a million times more...something that helped other people in some way.
All the while, I do realize in my scarred heart and in my obsessive brain that writing is about as rewarding as parenting. You get little to no pay, maybe someone throws you some love here and there, but there is no way to know if what you're putting into it is really going to amount to what comes out of it. Your readers might not always appreciate your efforts, and they just may tear you to shreds at times. All you can do is give it your very best shot. Actually, that "best shot" scenario sounds too trite. What I really mean, is that I'm suddenly realizing that a writer, like a parent, needs to wake up at any hour, and be prepared to spill dreams onto paper (onto 'child', in parenting terms). Writers get sleep if and when they can, even if it isn't in the time frame that normal people think sleep should occur. Those who write consciously give every uninhibited ounce of soul to their paperback baby. If they don't, it won't amount to it's fullest potential and it won't be able to survive in the world.
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| The balancing-too-much act doesn't even look good on the runway |
So, back to you and to the point: say 'no'. Try it today, try it tomorrow at the very latest. But let yourself have the power to control your life, or at least a single day in your schedule. Life is so very short. You can't be everything to everybody and really, even though you're pretty cool if you've read this far into my babble, it must mean you need a "no" moment. People can and will live without your "yes".
Cheers, deep breaths and onto the next phase of this fantastic thing we call life. Pass it on.....
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